I wanted to be his Billie Jean

I mean who didn't? Let's face it, MJ was iconic and if you never had a crush on him as a kid/teen/young adult growing up in the 80's, you're lying. I looooved him when he was colored, but even when he started to get whiter than Madonna, watching him perform was still damn near amazing. That's why MJ's passing is so ironic because I've been meaning to do a post on him for MONTHS.

Since March of this year, we used to frequent his official YOUTUBE channel almost every day (when it only had 2 pages of videos to flip through) because Lole wanted to watch 'em all time, and not just the popular ones...ALL OF 'EM! Thinking back, this was the very reason I never blogged about it, for fear that I'd be criticized for letting my child watch his videos so religiously. Anyway, when I found out he was doing a London tour beginning JUL 8, I thought for some reason that I was destined to see him perform LIVE for the mere fact that the original start date was my birthday. Concert promoters said MJ was in excellent physical condition, so I figured if he is well enough for London, maybe soon he'd do a USA tour, and by then, Lole would be old enough to come with. In the meantime, I vowed to get the entire video collection on DVD so she and I could practice our moves. Now with his recent death I'm sure commemorative CD/DVD sets are hitting the stores like crazy, and someone is making a killing (no pun intended).

I haven't been able to watch any news media on him since his death, but it doesn't matter to me. Dead or alive, black or white, wierdo or not, MJ will always be the best, period. Who would've thought Thriller would be the best selling album in history, given only 8 weeks to complete? No one, not even Quincy Jones. But much more than that, MJ had an intangible way of convincing you that Diana WAS Dirty, that you really WEREN'T alone, and this really WAS Thriller night, whatever that means. He made you feel his passion for music with every last "jammon" and every gyrating move. Ahh, I still think he is the only celebrity that could make me faint face to face. Now, I'll never know.

I have sooooo many favorite videos, but because my fondest memories of him were invoked by Billie Jean and his infamous moonwalk, I just had to. I love that even though obviously aged in this clip, his moves proved that he was still the KING OF POP.

Thanks for the memories Michael Jackson. May your journey be peaceful.

Vacay or Staycay

For the longest time now, my husband and I have been planning to take a family vacation next month. Our hope was that we would just enjoy some much needed time away from Hawaii and visit families in Cali and Utah. However, due to this recession, Bo hasn't been working steadily pretty much since Jan, and company jobs aren't really looking up until somewhere around August. Now as much as I would LOVE to get away and build fun memories with my family elsewhere, I am also a realist. I am the one who worries about bills and "rainy days" whereas my husband's view of money is that it "comes and goes" (therefore, it's ok to let it go...often...no matter the quantity). Even before this recession, I have always been very thrifty, cheap if you will, and have learned to eliminate my wants for only the basic of needs (most times).

I hate to be a ball-buster, but I cannot justify going on a vacation after my husband has been at home and without work. Up until yesterday, he thought I was still game, but I kindly made a suggestion that we postpone or cancel indefinitely. I heard the term "Staycation" and for us that means stay your butt home and create some kind of vacation on the island. It may not be the 'cation of our dreams, but it seems to be the smarter, wiser choice. There are so many places both of us have never been on Oahu (separately and together) and that includes beaches, lookouts, and other tourist attractions. Not only that, many hotels are discounting their prices to make up for the slow influx of visitors to Hawaii.

I'm still not 100% sure on which one will actually take place, staycation or vacation, but if it has to be...WAIKIKI HERE WE COME!

Having an AHA moment

I don't know if being a stay at home mom is for me, when in actuality, that's all I wanted to "be" when I grew up. As a kid, I remembered saying I wanted to be an astronaut (just because), but in my teenage years, the only other career I ever thought about (besides MOM) was teaching. Don't get me wrong, I love being able to spend these early years with my kids, but I just don't think I'm very good at it. Not surprisingly, my husband is the "fun" parent, always wanting to go places and see new things as a family (mainly for Lole since Laila doesn't speak human), whereas I'm always the one saying, "How much is this going to cost?" or "How long are we gonna be?" or "How far away is it?" In fact, my husband convinced me everyday last week to "ditch" the chores so we can go out, and I did...but by the end of the week my chores were swearing at me and guess who had to do it all by herself?

Even with 2 kids, this staying home FULL TIME is quite new to me. When Lole was born, I was in school full-time and nearing "senior" status, held a BYUH leadership position for half of her first year, and a calling as Compassionate Service Leader. I even tutored for a few hours a week at Kahuku High and had awesome babysitting help from my sister, my in-laws, and friends from school and church. In contrast, being at home with now 4 year old Lole AND the new baby with nothing else to do but care for them (and Bo) is so much more challenging to me. I've mentioned before that when too many things are coming at me at once, I tend to get overwhelmed and shut down. I am finding that even having too much time to manage can be equally challenging because it can possibly lead to a sedentary life, feelings of depression and low self-worth.

To make matters worse, I've literally been AT HOME a lot this year. Besides appointments, weekly errands, and an occassional movie or date, I pretty much post up at home all day everyday. I pulled Lole out of preschool this Jan because I thought it was too expensive, and then I stopped taking her to another early preschool she'd been attending just because I thought it was waste time and boring. That was a mistake, 'cause now LOLE doesn't want to go anywhere either, which is so out of her norm. Ugh, what have I done?!

Tonight, I realized that my baby is going to be 6 months at the end of July and although she's quite healthy, I, on the other hand, am not. Physically, I still feel worse than I did when I was pregnant. My apetite is hitting the roof and it needs to HIT DA ROAD 'cause I can feel my fat accumulating in ways never before seen. My hair is thinning, I have very little drive/motivation, and just enough energy to cover the kids needs, not so much mine or my husband's. Spiritually, I'm not even there...for reals.

SO I GUESS MY "AHA" IS THIS: I am seemingly out-of-whack because of my need to become SELF-ACTUALIZED...(more on that later).....Therefore:

I'm tired of being tired, so I will go to bed earlier and go back to sleep as soon as I'm done pumping (as opposed to staying online for another hour or two when I'm pau). I need to stop playing online games, ie. Bejeweled Blitz, and play with my kids...preferrable OUTSIDE! For my health, I will make the time for any kind of exercise, even if it means walking around the yard, or paying for an aerobics class my sister has been trying to commit me to for the last few years. And as far as food goes, I think right now I can handle "portion control" until my will-power is strong enough to cut out the junk (almost) completely. This recession is teaching me that I need to invest further in a practical career, so I'm going to go back to school within the next year or 2 for an online MBA/ACC or M.Ed. (already checking out my options with Univ of Phoenix). Most importantly, my spirit is the most in dire condition. Even when I was partying, at least I always knew where I needed to be, but nowadays, I find it hard to sit in church and truly want to be there for the right reasons. Between battling old demons and wallowing in self-pity, I've lost that "warm feeling", the happiness that comes from knowing I am doing exactly what the Lord wants me to, and finding TRUE JOY in that. With that said, I guess I have to get back to the basics ON EVERYTHING (me, my family and God) and find ways to live to my potential. Stay tuned.

18 weeks

My baby girl is growing so fast! Last Sat. we had her 4 month physical and she checked out great. She weighed 19 1/2 lbs, and she shot up a little bit in her height (thank goodness). She's a tough cookie and didn't flinch/cry until her 2nd shot, but even then only a little bit. This is all good news considering we had a slight scare a month ago after she rolled out of her chair, on to the bed, and then to the floor, almost a 3 foot drop. I was only able to catch her right at the end, but not enough to soften her fall. I was so worried because she fell mostly on her head, but we have pretty soft carpet. Still, I needed the doc's opinion and took her in just to be sure.

Since her fall (apparently harmless), she's been fine. At 18 weeks, she is still such a quiet baby that even her giggles/laughs are quiet, that's why I love her cute little cry because at least then I can hear her. Daddy seems to be the only one who can really get her to laugh out loud and for a long time. Her hair is still, TAKING LONG to grow, but it only adds to her charm. She started eating baby food and is a big fan of rice cereal thus far. We've tried mashed up carrots, taro, and breadfruit, as well as the Gerber bananas and apple sauce. She seems to prefer the bland stuff as of now (plus her fingers), but my husband tries to push her limits by feeding her junk like chips and ice cream and it's driving me nuts!

My favorite thing is her BUMBO chair, designed to keep infants in a (tight) safe sitting position. It works wonders as a second pair of hands, and we've even taken it to the beach so she can post up in the sand if we have to step away for a few to catch crabs. She's been to many movies already: Hannah Montana, 17 Again, Night at the Museum II, and most recently, UP. She's great at sleeping through the night but I still get up to pump at least once or twice. It's pretty damn annoying, but I do it to keep up her milk supply (a friend jokes that I should work for Meadow Gold), and to catch up on my blogging/facebooking, etc. Lol! We are looking forward to her being able to touch the ground in the walker we bought her and are excited as she is just starting the beginning stages of crawling. Love you so much baby!

HELLO YOU!

Geesh, when my cousin's wife Hine told me I'd be on blogger much less because of Facebook, I didn't take her serious...but, seriously, it's true! Facebook is my new guilty pleasure, especially now that I've discovered the popular game "Bejeweled Blitz." I don't know why I play it, I'm not even good! I guess I just like the thrill of the challenge and so does my husband (1 minute to try and top your friends' high scores). Anyway, I've been getting in to the habit of falling asleep early--like before 10pm--and then waking up @ 2 or 3am to pump my baby some bottles while crusing the net. I'm in a kind of "blog funk" because I have so much to catch up on, and so little motivation to do so, but recently I've decided that I'd be a much better blogger if I did so with purpose. My friend Kait is a perfect example because she makes a hard copy of her onling blog, that acts like a journal. It's a great idea, and I will probably be doing the same once I get out of my "funk", if ever.

Yesterday my husband bought a pool for the kids (mostly him) to cool off in, and he and my daughter Lole swam in it for like an hour. Today, Lole racked in a total of 5 hours of outdoor/swimming fun. She is totally and completely PAKU (black.burnt.dark.) and is still sleeping in her swimsuit. That's how exhausted she was. Laila girl also got in the water, and floated around like a cool cat (she is so mellow it's scary.) Later, the cousins came over to swim with Lole and eat pizza but I was too tired to take in any more sun, let alone pictures. I guess it wasn't that dumb of an idea to buy a pool when you live right across the beach.