It's 2:00 pm, and I feel like a kid again, waiting for the ice cream truck to come by on a hot summer day. I haven't been this excited to see my husband--whom I am picking up from the airport soon--in a long time. For the past month and a half he's been working on another island and home only on the weekends. Some weeks have been longer than others with just me and the kids, but I've managed to hold it together pretty well...and by that I mean EMOTIONALLY. It's not that I don't
LOVE my husband, it's just been really hard to
LIKE him, and even feel
IN LOVE with him, over this last year (which has to be one of the worst if not THE WORST in our history). Two months ago, I packed up my kids and I in a matter of hours, and left to find some peace...a peace that I found in the company of my family and dear friends, and in, of all places, HAPPY VALLEY, UT! LOL. But it wasn't so much the zip code that mattered, it was my heart and my soul--left broken and hopeless--that needed to be healed. I never prayed so much in my life. I let Heavenly Father give me strength I NEVER EVER had, and through constant communication with Him, I knew everything was going to be o.k. Till this day, it is hard to put to words the transformation I went through those few weeks I was away. I still feel that strength in me now, and God-willing, I will never go to THAT (lonely.desolate.hurtful.hateful.spiteful.) PLACE again.
I'm not naïve...I know that my my marriage is way off the path to happiness, in fact, we haven't even begun to walk, but like that song goes
♫ We'll crawl, 'til we can walk around
And we'll run, until we're strong enough to jump
Then we'll fly, until there is no end
So let's crawl, crawl, crawl
Back to Love ♫
With the New Year bringing hope of resolution and renewal, I look forward to forgetting the past so we can go THERE again, back to love.
5 comments:
I wish you the very best and with Heavenly Father you will find the comfort that you're seeking. I hope you find the happiness you're seeking with your husband soon. Good Luck and God Bless you and your family.
Sis since I've come to know you via internet interaction..lol I've come to know you for being an amazing, strong, steadfast woman of faith. Especially through adversity... Keep trucking and know that your example is noticed and that you are loved. I've come to witness through other ppl's experiences spouses don't realize what they have. Both men and women but when you keep fighting I'm sure at the end its worth it. So don't stop fighting for the greater goal eternal families.. Love ya HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Here's to a much better NEW YEAR for all of us. Not having the same issues, but issues nonetheless that I'd like to leave in 2009. Hope everything goes uphill from here for you & your family! Love ya Tala!!!
It's a good sign that you're that happy to see Bo again! Like you said, it's baby steps...and sometimes even smaller baby steps...to work through things together. Keeping you in my prayers....and I wish your time in Happy Valley and mine had coincided, lol.
Aw Tala, I love your blog. However, this post has touched me as I felt your pain and all you have gone through. I pray for you and your family and for you and Bo. I pray that there will be much peace, comfort and lots of love in your home this year and so on. I admire the strength in you. Keep your head up. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I have grown such great love and respect for you, as a mother, wife, sister, friend and most of all as a woman. Your faith will bring you blessings beyond measure. (o: Niva
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