Tomorrow is a Gift

"Every man must do two things alone; he must do his own believing and his own dying."- Martin Luther
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As a teen, I used to believe that I wouldn't live long. I don't know why, but I always felt like my life was not mine and that the length of my earthly stay was pre-determined to be short. Yet here I am. I STILL have moments when I don't even believe the things I go through are real and I feel strangely disconnected. Weird I know, but when I had my 1st born, I had a similar feeling that as much as I facilitated her birth into this world, I knew Lole was not completely mine. The underlying truth being that she was created--just as I was--by a loving Heavenly Father for His purposes; ranked highest among those, to gain Eternal Life and to live with Him again.

But with the gift of life also comes death. Last week one of my husband's young relatives who died in a car crash, was laid to rest. He was supposed to report to the MTC in 3 mos. Around New Years, a good friend of mine in Fiji lost her only son. And yesterday, my first cousin hung himself.

I've been thinking a lot about Death lately...how it comes quickly/surprisingly to some, and not soon enough to the weak/suffering...how it doesn't discriminate against age, race, color or status...and especially how whether you meet it calmly (sometimes willingly as in my cousin's case) or like a thief in the night, it is I N E V I T A B L E.

We are taught that suicide is wrong. But I do not judge such actions because I have been low enough to understand. While the act is selfish, the aim is to relieve pain...pain so unbearable that death is the only escape/relief/remedy...(seemingly) the only choice. Being able to say that I actually know someone (3  in the past year and a half) who has taken their life makes me really sad, but GOD has given us agency over every aspect of our lives, down to our last breath.

So what then, becomes of the dearly departed who felt they only had only one choice left? I don't think anyone can truly say, despite knowing that LDS doctrine condemns it. I still believe God has mercy on even our most grievous sins (save the unpardonable), so who am I to limit His forgiveness?  The beauty of His plan through the Gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is that we know there is life after death, and that families can be reunited in the afterlife through saving ordinances done in our temples. When someone dies, we focus on the way they lived, and we cherish the memories and life lessons we learned from them. Death will come whether or not we are ready, so the goal is to be ready all the time...to live like everyday was your last.



May you rest in peace, Sikivi, and may His mercy be upon you, and all of us.
XOXO,
Tala