Monday, May 28


Today I am grateful for much. I spent the last 3 days in bed, not so much in physical agony, but in pain nonetheless with an ailment hard to describe. Weeks have led up to this feeling. Loss of energy, excitement, and/or desire to do just about anything pleasurable. I can't put my finger on it, but I have been unwell. {the word "apathetic" comes to mind, followed closely by a thought that "maybe i'm depressed cause i'm still living in Utah" }I cried all morning Saturday, wishing these feelings would go away. Nausea, headache, loss of appetite, emotional, unable to get out of bed, avoiding any social settings other than work...and just feeling blah. {did I mention I put on 20 lbs and counting, since we moved here?} Medicine did nothing for me, so I asked for a Father's blessing. Mom and Dad stopped their afternoon errands to come to my aid, and then over-hearing that I was craving Cinnabons, mom dropped by later with 2 pans. The next morning, I had to call in to work again. I am not in any position to miss work, nor do I like to. But my body wouldn't move, so I had to. That afternoon, my sister down the street (who happens to have two sick children) brought a pot full of delicious chicken noodle soup, bread, and liters of sprite, and brownies to help me feel better. I didn't even get to thank her because I was laying in bed 3/4 of the day. Then the sweetest thing: I overheard my oldest daughter praying for me near my bedside. She thought I was asleep, but I heard her...not once, but twice throughout the day (and an admitted 3rd time over her bowl of cereal), pray for her mom to get better. She even waited on my physical needs: food/drink/pills. I feel so undeserving and blessed at the same time, but now that I am even a little better, I can reflect on the joy that comes from knowing who is on my side. Where I go from here, is yet to be determined, but counting my blessings is always a start UP.

PS: this is not my first "UNwell" post, I am realizing...