Lole's 7th Bday

Lole's bday started off with...SCHOOL, lol since it was the middle of the week. Daddy gave her one of her presents from us the night before, and then while at school, we brought cupcakes and a bouquet of balloons to her class during lunch hour. Later, we got last minute things ready for her party and I spent 2 hours frosting what was supposed to be a ROLLER SKATE. But, since I didn't have room on the plywood for the wheels, I settled with her first initial. Something inside me forgets that my kids are just kids, and that a piece of cake, ice cream, and a few presents would probably suffice. However, we went from "simple" to excessive in a matter of days while planning for Lole's birthday party, because we found out that our venue, Classic Fun Center--a convenient 2 mins away from our home--ALSO has a Karaoke room and a big screen TV for Xbox Kinnect. Because it was the middle of the week, we were the only big group there, so it felt like we had the whole place to ourselves. We decided that instead of traditional goody bags for the kids, we'd make t-shirts that the kids could have to remember her party. Then, we realized how cute they were and that the adults would want some shirts too. We passed out glow bracelets and had hair color spray for those who wanted it, and we bought a few pairs of colored glasses and gloves to match the bright colors. We ended up with about 10 pizzas, unlimited drinks (to accompany the unlimited activities: skating, bouncing, karaoke, dance central, arcade games and huge jumpers), cream cheese/walnut brownies, chocolate and vanilla ice cream, and a tie dye vanilla cake in the shape of a big "L". Kids had a great time, but I think the adults had equally as much fun. Lole got some outfits, 3 new pairs of shoes, a 72 hour kit (lol @ Mom), some coloring stuff, money, and candy (of course), but I hope that what she remembers more than what she "got" is the fact that we tried to make her feel special and loved on her birthday, and that each year of life causes for celebration. What can I say? WE LIKE TO P A R T Y!

JBoog 2/27

got to go to a concert this past monday (yah, who has concerts on mondays, i KNOW)! i rode with my cousin all the way to salt lake IN THE SNOW, so i fell asleep to ease my anxiety (lol). by the time we got there, all the opening bands were just about done, and it was time for JBOOG. the last time i saw him perform was when he first came out years ago, opening for a Fiji concert in hawaii...back then he was just an opening act, so it was nice to see him (big time and famous now) headlining. (<---love my new shirt by the way) it was such a good concert and he sang ALL his good ones AND some, even letting kiwini and siaosi do solos. then, we went to the "after party" at club hotel elevate, just down the street...and he gave a few more songs to the crowd before stepping out. it was cool too because the house dj played a mix of new and 80s/90s songs, so you know i was all over that! my cousin tilly, jess, and maafu are great company and we were probably the only sober ones at the club. (note: i did, however, grab a glass of water and was raising it in the air like all the alcoholics, just for fun!) as the performers were leaving, i went outside to say hi to siaosi (we had kicked it with him before in hawaii) and jboog was standing outside talking to a kid i know from kahuku, so i just asked him for a pic and he was really nice about it. i told him "you gave a great concert" but the way i said it was like i was congratulating my kid on a good soccer game. lol. good times. 

HUNGER GAMES

Very excited for this movie because of (what looks like, so far) really awesome casting! Of course I hate that there are 2 love interests for the girl (reminding me too much of how irritating Bella was in Twilight), and I imagined "Peeta" (Josh Hutcherson) to be a little bit cuter, more like Liam Hemsworth who is playing Gale and is naturally blondish. However, it will be NIIIIICE to watch "Gale" on screen--although, no one will ever be as "NICE" as Brad Pitt was in Legends of The Fall to me--because he and Jennifer Lawrence's character "Katniss" make such a good couple.  I gotta say, after Twilight, I never wanted to read another book with all that love irony. But, so far I like Katniss' character and all the poise she tries to keep. She's plain, but fierce. Strong, yet vulnerable. Because I am already setting myself up for disappointment, I try not to really glue myself to the books. Yes, I have heard that the series doesn't end favorably, which is a horrible way to get started. Barely into the 2nd book, I can sense the author's rush, so I am reading...knowing I will probably be unhappy in the end. Hmmmph. Honestly, I would not be interested if I didn't know the movie was coming out; didn't even watch the official trailer until I finished the book yesterday. March 23rd y'all, YEE! *got tickets for opening night (prob something I will regret since I hate crowds)*
 

Anyway, back to Liam Hemsworth (lol)...I didn't know he was Thor's brother, Chris Hemsworth Thor...big buff blonde guy with the hammer? Ozzie Ozzie Ozzie, Oi Oi Oi--ka fefe! All of a sudden I hate you, Miley Cyrus!

SICK

Sinus-y. Cough-y. Itchy-Throat-y. Tired. Restless. Sick. 

My babies both had strep last week and when we took them to the doctor, both had the antibiotic shot that made them feel better the next day. I have caught a bad cold (maybe even strep) as a result of all these germs around me and cannot shake it. Irritates the heck outta me when I have to put on all my hats, while sick. UGH! I am laying in bed right now, dreading tomorrow because I'm doing a double shift from 7am to 1030pm, and my sickness isn't getting better. What's worse is that I eat MORE to keep my mouth busy so I'm not constantly coughing, and I exercise LESS (not at all for the past week) because it only induces coughing. I'm just glad my kids are better, but it sucks being at work and home, grumpy as hell and not wanting to do anything. Hoping to kick this sickness in the arse soon! 

Whitney Houston, dies at 48

Whitney Houston (August 9, 1963 – February 11, 2012), was definitely my childhood vocal idol and easily the prettiest singer I grew up watching...I mean she just had the perfect face/eyes/nose/mouth/teeth for those video closeups and forever-long held notes. I LOVED her in the late 80s when she had that poofy, more natural hair, but even when she toned down the spunk, she was still so so beautiful. I will always remember how badly I wanted to sing "The Greatest Love of All" during an assembly at Lupelele Elementary in Samoa, when I was in 3rd grade. I would practice the song at home, but never tried out for it because I was so shy. Til this day I regret not doing it (esp because the girl who actually sang it SUCKED). In 4th grade, while on the Laie School Big Island field trip, one of the chaperon Moms put in a cassette tape of her Whitney album and I could remember the whole bus singing to "Where Do Broken Hearts Go."  And who could forget the memorable Olympic tribute during the 1988 Seoul, Korea games, "One Moment in Time" ?  Remember FLO JO? She made me wish I was black and could run like the wind. That year she took 4 gold medals, and her sister in law Jackie Joyner-Kersee took two.  I didn't really care for her I'm Your Baby Tonight album, except for the title song, so it was a good thing The Bodyguard helped to bring Whitney back to the forefront. Pregnant and glowing in that music video, her I Will Always Love You reminds me of that akward time in my life, transitioning from childhood into early teens. I didn't know a damn thing about love then, but I sure knew how to sing about it thanks to Whitney. However, by the time Waiting To Exhale debuted, I did know a little somethin-somethin', so Exhale (Shoop) takes me back to the nights Marie and I would be in my room, letting slow jams soothe our souls. LOL. The Waiting to Exhale album is still my favorite movie soundtrack of all time!!! Whitney put out a few more hits, like "I Belive In You And Me", "When You Believe", "My Love is Your Love", and my favorite gospel song of hers, "Who Would Imagine A King", but by the time I graduated high school, Mariah Carey was the new Whitney. (We actually sang "Count On Me" at my high school graduation too.) The rest, sadly is history because I couldn't bring myself to listen to anything she made after 2000. I prefer to remember Whitney the way she was in the 80s when she was still bright-eyed and  bushy-haired; still..."Bobby-free". Her amazing career speaks for itself though, and the world can not deny her effortless talent, and the many soulful ballads that filled our homes over the years. So fitting that she really is "free" now, like she sings in this video. Rest in peace, Whitney Houston! May your angelic voice fill the heavens as it did on earth.

                                       

Love the Skin You're In, Or NOT

     I couldn't go to the gym this morning because Laila was sick, so I did what I could in my matchbox-sized living room: short Yoga/Pilates videos (for beginners of course) and Breathing Meditation (first time ever). My body type can't be messing around with these things, but who knew breathing and stretching could feel so good!?? Then, as Bo and I were watching INSANITY infomercials, I started to get all pumped about working out and losing weight so that I could get to a point where I could even TRY the crazy Insanity challenge.
     I must've been thinking I would have this awesome AFTER picture, because I decided I'd take a BEFORE picture of myself. Let me tell you, it was not cute. NOT. CUTE. AT. ALL! Later, at work, I weighed myself (don't have one at home yet) and the scale read 210, but I'm pretty sure it's off by a few pounds, lower than it should be. This is about the range I have steadily remained for the last 8 or 9 years--save the 2nd/3rd trimesters of my 2 pregnancies--and I have never gone below a size 16 (ok, sometimes 17/18) jeans, unless they were a kind of exceptional [insert Nacho Libre voice] streeeetchy pants. On the same note, I haven't owned a size Medium shirt in years!  I'm so used to this range that I don't remember how it felt to be 20 lbs lighter, let alone 40 or 50. But even when I was 155 lbs. and fit from playing high school sports, I didn't feel like I was slim or skinny. In my mind, I was a thick polynesian girl. Looking back, I was actually pretty dang scrawny, and I would LOVE to have that body now. Then, in my early twenties I flirted around the 170-90 bracket, not even caring that I was cutting it close to the next hundred.  It must be that I grow accustomed to, and feel content (<------there's that word I hate) in my skin, no matter the weight. Or shall I call it poor "body awareness," because I can easily let myself go and feel normal...still feel like a thick polynesian girl at 150 or 210 lbs., with no desire to change it? I really have never been obsessed over my weight, EVER, but I definitely know the difference when my thighs are rubbing together when I walk, my arms don't fit into a top that the rest of my body does, and when people congratulate me on my pregnancy when I'm nowhere near it (happened to me last Summer).
     Is there any way to train my psyche to feel I should be a fit, size 6, limber and agile polynesian girl? [Okay, let's be real, the last time I was a size 6 was probably when I was 6, so....ummmm, size 12?] Trying to do pilates at 210 lbs was so awkward, and to make it worse, I got off work at 10:30pm and had a teri burger and chips. Lol. I know, big FAIL. I guess I need to carry my crimzon BEFORE picture around to remind me what skin I should NOT be comfortable in. PS: If I ever have a huge REVEAL (lol) I will show you that picture. For now, that's a hell naw. I'm doing YOU a favor, trust me!

Giant Sunday

After work, I went to my sister's for Super Bowl feasting and The Orator  watching with my parents.  I caught maybe 2 mins of the entire Bowl game today, but was happy to hear that the Giants came away with the win! Aside from breaking my diet, I had one of those grateful-to-be-alive-and-working days, because most of my work day was spent having deep, meaningful conversations with a co-worker about life, and family, and the obstacles that make us who we are. A lot's been a lot on my mind today. My job, my kids, the hubbz, our future...

I woke up 4 times last night, twice for my husband, and the other 2 for my 3 year old. I worked a double shift last night, so I fell asleep shortly after I got home, close to 11pm. An hour or two later, I wake up to find my husband missing. I knew exactly where he was, but it wasn't the fact that he went to faikava, it was the SNEAKY way he did it. So I called his cousin (Bo conveniently left his phone at home) so that I could let him know I wasn't happy. I felt my angry, hateful, "I'll show you", "don't make me come over there" attitude coming out again, and I decided to just sleep it off, only instead of that happening, I woke up to one of those cheating dreams. That made me angry again so I attempted to go back to sleep because I needed to sleep for my morning shift. An hour later, I awoke to ANOTHER cheat dream and at that point I just wanted to start throwing punches (in my dreams I always do)! Unfortunately, Bo was still gone, and now my 3 year old was sleeping next to me. Said 3 year old threw up in bed twice, so I had to get up and clean throw up two separate times. (No words for what I wanted to do to Bo by then.) I even heard exactly when he walked in the door, because I had just laid down after soaking the throw up clothes in the laundry soap...but I didn't have the energy (nor the time) to argue.

I got up feeling both rested and still a little irritated, but ended up having THE easiest shift ever. I felt calm, at ease and reflected on my new found ability to let...things...go... Hands down, my biggest foe over the years  because my point always had to be made, my anger always had to be voiced, and I needed to make him feel my hurt, by any means. But every time I thought my case and point was taken, all the energy spent became in vain because Bo would do exactly what he agreed he wouldn't. The cycle would continue, over and over, and over again.

I don't know if my drama LIMIT has been maxed, or if being the only worker has made me feel alpha-like and therefore powerful (like he used to be), or if I have just simply exhausted any energy allotted to fighting with/for my husband. After all, I have spent more than a decade trying to fill this man's bucket; trying to make him happy, trying to keep him on the "right" path, trying to give him what he wants, caving to his every heart-felt, short-lived "I'm sorry", meanwhile leaving my bucket for any leftover scraps of contentment I could gather. By the way, I really do believe that I have had enough of "CONTENT". 

I typically don't get angry at the things my husband chooses to do, and how he lives his life, it's THE WAY HE GOES ABOUT IT that makes all the difference. But I also see that in an upbringing where people are always trying to make decisions for you, one has no other choice but to just feel so physically/emotionally choked.  I am doing to him exactly what his parents have done and still continue to do...try to control his life. I see how he detests it when they do it, so its no wonder that when I do the same, he has no problem rebelling against me. However, I refuse to put (any) more into this relationship than he is willing to match (and he knows this now), and the same goes for his health. I can't make him want to stop his bad habits to save his life. No one can save you but YOU. No one can change you but YOU. No one can make you happy but YOU. And now that I am coming to terms with my thinking errors over the years, I realize I have spent too much time trying to change him and not myself. I am stronger now. I am not so damn needy. Content is overrated. I want Happy. Extremely Happy, even. My abilities to choose my battles have given me so much peace and gosh, I really need to work on filling MY own bucket. I've had an overflow of the bad, and now it's time to fill MY bucket with good again. A big ol' GIANT bucket!

HyperTENSION

Yesterday morning was crazy. I shot up to Bo yellin "Hun, can't you heeeeaaaar me? I've been calling you forever?" Mind you, I was sleeping in a completely different room so how COULD I have? Anyway, so he's been having the WORST migraines for a few days straight and I did a horrible thing and kind of just ignored it...not necessarily on purpose, but, you know, I work and am a mom and wife and yadda yadda. Point is, I failed to acknowledge it early on. So it's about 4am and hunny is holding his head in pain, so I take him to the ER. Mind you x2, I have to be at work @ 645 am and have no way of finding coverage since I WAS the coverage. I ended up leaving him there to run to work, didn't even have time to shower (just change, gross) but my co-workers will never know. Anyway, so Bo's blood pressure was something like 188/120. WOW! Normal is 140/90. I cannot. Just to be safe, they took x-rays on his chest/lungs and did a CT scan to make sure there wasn't anything wrong in his head (I can think of a few things), but luckily those tests came out ok. The final culprit: HYPERTENSION which was causing HYPERTENSIVE HEADACHES.

Ugh, what a headache indeed. I don't know how many years I have warned my husband about drinking and smoking (yes, they are factors) and overeating (probably the biggest factor). Yes, we Polynesians love our salty, rich in fat and high in cholesterol/carbs food but enough is enough. He is too young to stroke out and leave me caring for a paraplegic... (knock on wood). So it's time to get serious and get out of this rut. No gut. Skinny butt. You know the deal. I've got to be the agressor (as usual) and start crackin' the whip.

First step: I bought a blender to make healthy juices/smoothies and already, even my Lole loves it. Bo, not so much...but that will come with time. This morning I made him a smoothie out of 1 banana, about 4-5 strawberries (cut and froze them last night) and a handful of fresh baby spinach. Add 2 cups low fat vanilla yogurt and a bit of ice, and voila. Lovingly he looks at the green mess and says, "I hope I don't faint from all those nutirents!" Lol. Pretty sooon!

Next step: Food journal, documenting everything we eat. (Yup, I'm getting on this train too)

More steps in no particular order: Get on DoTerra High Blood Pressure regiment (first I have to buy the vitamins and all the oils, might take a while since they're so expensive), exercise at least 30 mins a day (no exceptions), gather healthy food recipes, cut out fast foods/eating out except for on special occasions (I'm gonna miss you SUSHIYA), snack healthily between meals, completely eliminate soda, cut down on fried/salty foods, and drink lots and lots of water.  I know this is not rocket science, but it's still hard and takes a lot of motivation. So all you heatlhy, fit, carb/calorie conscious friends of mine out there, HELP A SISTA OUT. I am open to all of your suggestions. Thanks in advance!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY "DARLING"

Laila at 3: is still in diapers (lol), loves cartoons (her new obsession after Smurfs is Mickey Mouse Clubhouse), wants to help cook and clean all the time, likes putting on eye shadow and lip gloss, enjoys corn, broccoli, shrimp, chicken, and fruits, loves her sister but doesn't hesitate to hit or talk back to her, likes dancing the "This is Halloween" song on Just Dance 3,  tends to lip sync rather than sing, likes to look at the snow but asks all the time to go to the beach, is very talkative and currently says things like "not fair", "I fart", "mommy, you haffa get outta the bafroom" (she will wait for me outside forever), "te'e pilo" and "summapeech" (thanks Daddy), "I need to go on my laptop", and "I so hunkry". She continues to be very stubborn and very independent (likes to pick out and put on her own clothes). As her zodiac sign suggests, she is naturally funny. She still gives me the biggest hugs and will often smother me when I come home from work. She finds comfort in being skin to skin or hugging cheek to cheek and doing weird things like pulling on our ears lobes (biting her lower lip while doing so) and playing with our fat. Laila loves to watch and read about animals, and enjoys drawing and coloring. She takes care if someone has an owie or cries, likes to do things her way, is protective of her mommy and sister, has a sharp mouth when scolding anyone, but has the sweetest disposition when she wants to. Laila is also...still sleeping with mom and dad (lol) but I couldn't have it any other way. I love having my children near me at night, even it it means the 4 of us squishing together, barely able to move. As usual, she still shies around strangers, but is waaaay better at rejecting people's affections. Another year later, she is still my "Darling" (sister Fia's blog nickname for her), and I look forward to seeing more of her Aquarius personality shine. HAPPY 3rd BIRTHDAY LAILA!

Laila's Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Bday

My baby turns 3 Jan.29, but we celebrated her on Sat 28th with a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse themed birthday party. Of course you wouldn't know because I FORGOT the camera in the car. I'm so mad at myself because I really wanted to document it well, but at least my sister in law captured a few moments. We had a BBQ (in 30 degree Winter weather) with some yummy teriyaki beef, chicken, hot dogs, brats, beef sausages, complete with potato salad and rice. We also had Laila's favorites: parmesean corn on the cob, steamed broccoli, and shrimp. I stayed up all night making her rainbow cupcakes, chocolate covered oreos (in the shape of a mickey mouse head), andes mint cookies, homemade butter cream frosting, and a huge Mickey mouse shaped chocolate cake (I used the sour cream/choc pudding recipe---soo super moist). My sister added brownies, choc chip cookies, guava cake and goodie bags. We were definitely in BBQ and SWEETS heaven. These are the only pictures we have from the party.

 Rainbow cupcakes and chocolate covered oreos were a hit. 

It was so busy we didn't even get to play the birthday games I had in mind. But we had so much fun laughing, dancing, and DEFINITELY eating away. 

TWELVE

"When endurance becomes enough to overcome there is no better feeling than that of standing,waking, dreaming and hoping together at the end of the day with the one you said, "I do!" to. Sometimes it seems it may never work out or it may seem too hard but there is a beauty in triumphing over trials together." 

est. Jan. 15, 2000

My best friend Ma'afu--who wrote this on my Facebook page the day of my anniversary--has seen me through the entire 12 years of ENDURANCE; the good, the bad and the ugly. For him to say such a thing, "at the end of the day" is not just for flattery's sake. My marriage really has seen better days lately, which has been so beneficial not just for me and Bo, but especially our kids. So this weekend, instead of retreating to SLC alone (where said best friend works @ Homewood Suites), we went with kids in tow. 

Our first night at the hotel was spent watching tv, facebooking, making pizza and saimini and just enjoying our relax time. I didn't want to get up the next morning, and the free breakfast wasn't enough to keep me out of my comfortable bed for very long. Lole and her Dad were gone the whole morning, and when they got back, surprised me with some balloons and flowers. It is the 2nd year that Lole has helped her Dad pick out something for me, and she always gets so excited! That morning, she must have hugged and wished us Happy Anniversary 10 times, meanwhile, Laila kept wishing us Happy Birthday, lol!

Luckily for us, our sitters happened to be in SLC too, so they stayed with the kids while Bo and I spent the WHOLE day together. It was so good to be away from Utah county, feeling "touristy" in this metropolitan Sabbath-observing town, with little traffic...just my style! We found Gateway Mall a few blocks up and cruised around for lunch. We came across an Asian (fusion) place called Thai Foon, (totally misleading name) where we ate (junk) sushi, (yummy) miso soup, some (alright) duck and (bomb) Seafood curry. We did a little shopping, driving around town and even visited Temple Sq. 

As soon as we got back to the hotel to get ready for the night, we find our oldest laying in bed, crying. She had a migraine and was throwing up everywhere. Some ibuprofen and rest did the trick, but this ended her night quickly. Hours later, Bo and I set on the town only to be disappointed that nothing was really going on. Some restaurants were closed or closing early, and there wasn't much that the average out-of-towner could do. We settled on a random Sports Bar & grill, where Bo got acquainted with some hillarious truckers from Missouri. Picture Dale and Boomhauer from  "King of the Hill"...it was classic, so I had to get a pic. lol.    

I convinced hubby to take us to WVC where some friends were visiting from Hawaii. That was fun, being in the company of hometown peoples, kanikapila'ing for the gods. It made me homesick to hear Vika, uke in hand, serenading us like she would in Laie, those lonely nights I would frequent kava circles. Isaac, her classmate, also dedicated "Mrs Jones" to us for our annivesary, lol. The next day, we cleaned up, checked out and we were on the road again to our little valley. The snow was so pretty on our drive home. 

All in all it was a good weekend and I have the scar to remind me of the time well spent. (see above) Bo and I both know that we are farrrrr from perfect. We reflect daily on our victories as well as our defeats. We know we have tons more to work on, and now that we are beginning to taste the sweet again, we are more focused on how to keep it that way. Having my kids see the importance of celebrating our marriage...that is what I appreciated the most. Happy TWELVE, Love!

Moving On

     2011 was very WOW. This is the only word to adequately describe it for me. New Years was the WORST EVER, started it off fighting with my husband, after also fighting all Christmas morning. I don't have the energy to talk about, let alone think about the events that surrounded that time, but let's just say I almost moved on my damn self early that year. In 2011, Laila turned 2, Lole turned 6, and shortly after that, Bo quit his job after being asked to take a demotion. That event was probably the hardest to deal with because I was partly at fault, ok, mostly at fault. I have always wanted Bo to quit his job because it was the nunmber one stressor in our marriage. But when he finally did (with a lot of my help), I had instant regrets. Not having a weekly paycheck like we were used to was hard. Then in June, my family (Poloais) had our very first family reunion with just our siblings and parents, grandchildren, etc. It was held in Orem, UT and was THE highlight of my year. At some point I will go back and write about it because it was truly unforgettable!
     So, this brings us to the very biggest change my family has gone through in 2011, and that was making the decision to STAY here in Utah after my reunion. It's been 7 mos, going on 8, since we left our island paradise. Hawaii (and esp Laie/Hauula/Kahuku) is THE PLACE, no doubt about that. I miss it so much. But being here has had its advantages, and mostly it starts and ends with family. It has been great spending the holidays and other special events with my parents--whom I have lived away from for about 14 years--as well as my oldest sister and her kids. Bo's younger sisters live here (my babysitters, lol), my best friend Maafu, as well as heaps of Bo's friends and family. The biggest plus so far, has been being VIRTUALLY DRAMA FREE since we have moved. Even I am at a loss to describe the complete contrast in our lives. My sister Fia  compared recent developments (ie, me working, and my husband staying home with the kids) to night and day, and if you knew the type of things we have gone through, you'd agree. As much as I hate being away from HOME, my kids' other grandparents in Laie, and my sister and her kids (holding down the fort in Kahuku), I cannot fathom going back to the state of misery I was in the last 6 years! I never want to know it again. I wasted a lot of tears and lost a lot of faith. However, I also felt like I gained some power back during the early part of 2011, and I continue to feel more confident in my fate today. We had a great summer here in Utah, and so far it has only snowed a few days this Winter. I turned 33, my husband turned 34, and we joined a community that is filled with lots (and LOTS) of people from my hometown area. Although my little family is still struggling to find our momentum, 2012 will bring more changes for the better whether we last out here in the Beehive state or not. Even with some of the uncertaincies, I am happy to be in a place (literally, "Happy Valley" and figuratively) to start anew. 2011, we're MOVING ON!

Puter=Pooter

 Last month, my husband and kids surprised me with  my very own  HP Dv7 BeatsAudio laptop. They couldn't wait for the 25th, so they gave it to me a week or so early, in the cutest pink PUMA bag. (Bless their souls!) But anyone who knows me KNOWS that I refuse to spend more than a few hundred dollars on myself for ANYTHING, even if its something I need. Bo has been promising me a laptop since before my bday (July), but wasn't able to get me it. Instead, he got me a $300 Ipod touch and I REFUSED IT....told him to take it back, because, again, SO EXPENSIVE. I LOOOOVE having a computer again, but some things I am just not willing to pay the price for. I'm thinking about taking this bugga back because not only was it too much $ (I would've bought THE CHEAPEST one) it has also been giving me too many problems. First the webcam crashed/died and I had to take the computer back and switch it, only they gave me the wrong one and I had to go back a 2nd time for the right one. Just yesterday, the fingerprint scanner (a feature for password protection) also stopped working and so I'm seriously contemplating it. Aside from the very cool built in speakers (bass and all),  I can survive without this. (That's what my droid is for).  I could think of a lot of things I'd rather do with this money. Bills, (of course), my 12th wedding Anniversary is on Sunday, my baby's bday is in 2 weeks, RUGBY SEVENS is next month, including Ali Campbell (whom I saw in concert in Hawaii)  that same weekend. The possibilities are endless. Heck, I could even take this back and invest in an Ipod touch again? 

Tomorrow is a Gift

"Every man must do two things alone; he must do his own believing and his own dying."- Martin Luther
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As a teen, I used to believe that I wouldn't live long. I don't know why, but I always felt like my life was not mine and that the length of my earthly stay was pre-determined to be short. Yet here I am. I STILL have moments when I don't even believe the things I go through are real and I feel strangely disconnected. Weird I know, but when I had my 1st born, I had a similar feeling that as much as I facilitated her birth into this world, I knew Lole was not completely mine. The underlying truth being that she was created--just as I was--by a loving Heavenly Father for His purposes; ranked highest among those, to gain Eternal Life and to live with Him again.

But with the gift of life also comes death. Last week one of my husband's young relatives who died in a car crash, was laid to rest. He was supposed to report to the MTC in 3 mos. Around New Years, a good friend of mine in Fiji lost her only son. And yesterday, my first cousin hung himself.

I've been thinking a lot about Death lately...how it comes quickly/surprisingly to some, and not soon enough to the weak/suffering...how it doesn't discriminate against age, race, color or status...and especially how whether you meet it calmly (sometimes willingly as in my cousin's case) or like a thief in the night, it is I N E V I T A B L E.

We are taught that suicide is wrong. But I do not judge such actions because I have been low enough to understand. While the act is selfish, the aim is to relieve pain...pain so unbearable that death is the only escape/relief/remedy...(seemingly) the only choice. Being able to say that I actually know someone (3  in the past year and a half) who has taken their life makes me really sad, but GOD has given us agency over every aspect of our lives, down to our last breath.

So what then, becomes of the dearly departed who felt they only had only one choice left? I don't think anyone can truly say, despite knowing that LDS doctrine condemns it. I still believe God has mercy on even our most grievous sins (save the unpardonable), so who am I to limit His forgiveness?  The beauty of His plan through the Gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is that we know there is life after death, and that families can be reunited in the afterlife through saving ordinances done in our temples. When someone dies, we focus on the way they lived, and we cherish the memories and life lessons we learned from them. Death will come whether or not we are ready, so the goal is to be ready all the time...to live like everyday was your last.



May you rest in peace, Sikivi, and may His mercy be upon you, and all of us.
XOXO,
Tala

OH MY GOODNESS

Yes Spawnbreezie, OH MY GOODNESS is right...I'M BACKKKK!!! There is so much to catch up on, but for now all that is important is I finally am hooked up again, Blogger world!

Day 6: My Day

Sunday: I HATE to leave my responsibilities at church to someone else (esp. on short notice) but when my husband asked if the kids and I would accompany him to town to meet with our car dealer, I couldn't resist. I knew that it was an opportunity to spend much needed time with him because of work and other marriage "strains." The day almost didn't happen because as soon as I had handed off my simple lesson plan, I couldnt find my purse. I was frantic and thinking, "That's what I get for ditching primary!" After 20 mins, I found it, and we were off. Two mins into the drive, a cop pulls Bo over for illegally over-taking a car that had cut us off. I repeated (in my mind) my earlier sentiment, but tried to remain calm. Luckily, Officer AhSue admitted to not seeing the cut-off, and let us go, expired tags and all. Ironically, that's where we were going in the first place...to the dealer to get our registration taken care of.

It turned out to be quite a day, starting with pork\chicken skewers and fresh corn from a roadside fruit stand, getting our tags current after almost a year, late lunch at Burger King, cruising up the Pali and around Makapu'u to Halona Blowhole (where Bo made walls 3 yrs ago), to Ross for a dress, and then McDs for ice cream sundaes and fried apple pies. It was quite an adventure and I will never forget:

-how my kids love getting dressed to go somewhere

-how my husband can talk his way out of a lot of things

-how good fresh, hot,sweet corn tastes from Kahuku and how Laila can eat 3 in one sitting

-how Bo makes me try and like new foods all the time (today, salmon poke)

-how Lole loooves Pizza Hut cinnamon sticks

-how after 20+ yrs in Hawaii, I finally went to the Nuuanu Pali Lookout, a first for my whole family

-how Lole really had take a crap and so Bo sat her on the edge of the trash can and asked the "curious" tourists if they had a staring problem

-how cold and windy it was, with the clouds moving about us

-how Laila ran all over the place, slipper-less, once we got to the blowhole

-how Lole likes to sing in the wind

-how fun it is to see new things and do things as a family, camera in hand

 

 

 

Looooong day, but totally worth it. FAMILY...it was about time!

Day 5: Definition of Love

I once heard somewhere that people only do things for 2 reasons: out of love, or out of hate. In reality, that may not be so cut and dry, but it makes a whole lot of sense. Love is powerful! It is the driving force behind our everyday actions, our fuel for life. It motivates...it uplifts...it nurtures...it bonds...and it heals. It is action and reaction. It is everything that rage and envy and revenge and spite are NOT. For me, LOVE, and its every possible definition, changes right alonside my own experiences and desires. Where I once thought it meant never having to say you're sorry, I now believe that impossiblity warrants the feeling that it's more a matter of when and how. When and how you say sorry, is where the love factor comes in. Movies sometimes depict love as fine dining and rose petals on the bedroom floor, whereas my heart flutters when I hear my husband's work truck come home, and covered in cement, he proceeds to share his half empty slurpee with me. Lol. While the gesture in itself is cute, the knowledge that he has been up since 3:30 am, has driven nearly 100 miles today to bust his butt to provide a living for his family, and still has strength to play\read to the kids...now that right there is LOVE. So yah, I guess mine is the layman's version, but I think you get the picture. I try to remember this (paraphrased) quote if my days ever leave me in doubt. "Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they've got." My definition could change, months, years, even decades from now. But today, it is this: LOVE IS WHAT YOU MAKE AND BELIEVE IT TO BE.

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Day 4: What I Ate Today

I really am the worst eater...today has been no different. Here it goes:

9 am: Bkfst: French Bread w butter and jelly

                    2 Round Samoan Pancakes

230 pm-ish: Late Lunch: Frosted Flakes and "Ocean Salad" from my sister's house. The salad is just noodles, with taegu, seaweed, nori, and seasame oil. Totally tastes like it sounds. Good stuff!

7pm Dinner: 2 fresh corns (hubby bought a bag from the fruit stand on his way home because it's Laila's favorite), 2 crunchy tacos and a chicken burrito from Taco Bell.

10 pm-ish dessert: 1\2 pint of Ben &amp; Jerry's Mud Pie (free w\ maika'i reward from Foodland)

(This I just added after my original post)

12:30 midnight: "Better-than-Sex cake" from Tina's dinner outing

Day 3: My Parents

 

My parents probably wouldn't appreciate detailed information about them on my public blog, so I will keep it short. I love them and they love me...the same as they love all my sisters and our families too. What more is there to want? (Okay that was the lazy version...hopefully I can get back to this one later :))

Day 1: Introduce Yourself

You can call me Darla. Okay, not really, but in case you're wondering, the "E-alias" came after a friend was teasing the way Tongan people call me TALA with a "D" instead of a "T"...like DAHLA (real ugly-like). Anyway, Darla is cuter so the blog name stuck.

"Matatala" is my real first name, which was requested by my paternal side. "Audrey" is the middle name my mother chose, after her uncle's palangi wife. "Poloai" is Dad's mom's last name which grandpa had to take because grandma's matai status trumped his. Finally, Malupo (the add-on for the last 10 yrs) is the name that connects my kids to Ha'apai, Tonga. All my life I thought my Samoan blood was pretty thick (undiluted, lol) but I recently discovered my mother's Tongan ancestry probably makes "Dahla" more suitable for me after all!

I was born in Happy Valley (Utah County) to wonderful, God-fearing parents, struggling to make a future for myself and their 3 other girls before me. Since I was the last planned child, I was SUPPOSED to be a boy. That's why I don't take offense to the knowledge that Dad cussed when Doc said "It's a Girl!"

18 years later, I ended up back in Happy Valley, after early childhood years in American Samoa, and some more memorable years in my beloved Laie. The ironic thing is that meeting my husband in the said Valley of Happiness, eventually brought me back to Laie, where we were wed in 2000. I cannot see that coincidence as anything less than a blessing, given my great love for the place I call home.

My two darling girls validate my life and have sweetened it since day one. I didn't cuss when either of them were born, but bringing them into the world wasn't easy. Both were conceived with the help of fertility pills and a whole lot of praying. Their very lives confirm my faith in the existence of a loving God.

My likes and dislikes vary year to year, but my love for watching and playing sports (though you can't tell by looking at my bod), will never change. I love to sweat, esp if it's gonna lead me to those jeans I still have from 2003, stashed in the corner for my big "Reveal" someday. Bahaha. I said SOMEDAY! As a kid, I loved reading, but now I struggle as an adult to even completely read prescription medication instructions, let alone a novel. That being said, my attention span as of late has been wrapped around some serious DVD watching and Facebook camping. If the written word is addicting then the written word *refreshed* hourly, or minute by minute, and at the speed of your fingertips is complete obsession. Yes, I admit, it's hard to walk away from Facebook, but not when you've got a Brad Pitt movie drawing you in closer to those piercing eyes and perfect bone structure. When I have time for music, it's usually Reggae\Island, HipHop\R&B or Country. I like 'em exactly in that order, though I probably should mention Church music since I'm a Primary chorister. Food is my weakness and not because I eat my feelings or anything...I think my problem is hormonal and genetic and environmental all rolled into one. Lucky for me, I live in Hawaii where food is good and so everyone has the SAME problem. Lol.

I didn't expect I'd write all-a-dis but it about sums me up. Ps: I like wearing tshirts and jeans, the color black, and anything teriyaki.