HAPPY BIRTHDAY "DARLING"

Laila at 3: is still in diapers (lol), loves cartoons (her new obsession after Smurfs is Mickey Mouse Clubhouse), wants to help cook and clean all the time, likes putting on eye shadow and lip gloss, enjoys corn, broccoli, shrimp, chicken, and fruits, loves her sister but doesn't hesitate to hit or talk back to her, likes dancing the "This is Halloween" song on Just Dance 3,  tends to lip sync rather than sing, likes to look at the snow but asks all the time to go to the beach, is very talkative and currently says things like "not fair", "I fart", "mommy, you haffa get outta the bafroom" (she will wait for me outside forever), "te'e pilo" and "summapeech" (thanks Daddy), "I need to go on my laptop", and "I so hunkry". She continues to be very stubborn and very independent (likes to pick out and put on her own clothes). As her zodiac sign suggests, she is naturally funny. She still gives me the biggest hugs and will often smother me when I come home from work. She finds comfort in being skin to skin or hugging cheek to cheek and doing weird things like pulling on our ears lobes (biting her lower lip while doing so) and playing with our fat. Laila loves to watch and read about animals, and enjoys drawing and coloring. She takes care if someone has an owie or cries, likes to do things her way, is protective of her mommy and sister, has a sharp mouth when scolding anyone, but has the sweetest disposition when she wants to. Laila is also...still sleeping with mom and dad (lol) but I couldn't have it any other way. I love having my children near me at night, even it it means the 4 of us squishing together, barely able to move. As usual, she still shies around strangers, but is waaaay better at rejecting people's affections. Another year later, she is still my "Darling" (sister Fia's blog nickname for her), and I look forward to seeing more of her Aquarius personality shine. HAPPY 3rd BIRTHDAY LAILA!

Laila's Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Bday

My baby turns 3 Jan.29, but we celebrated her on Sat 28th with a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse themed birthday party. Of course you wouldn't know because I FORGOT the camera in the car. I'm so mad at myself because I really wanted to document it well, but at least my sister in law captured a few moments. We had a BBQ (in 30 degree Winter weather) with some yummy teriyaki beef, chicken, hot dogs, brats, beef sausages, complete with potato salad and rice. We also had Laila's favorites: parmesean corn on the cob, steamed broccoli, and shrimp. I stayed up all night making her rainbow cupcakes, chocolate covered oreos (in the shape of a mickey mouse head), andes mint cookies, homemade butter cream frosting, and a huge Mickey mouse shaped chocolate cake (I used the sour cream/choc pudding recipe---soo super moist). My sister added brownies, choc chip cookies, guava cake and goodie bags. We were definitely in BBQ and SWEETS heaven. These are the only pictures we have from the party.

 Rainbow cupcakes and chocolate covered oreos were a hit. 

It was so busy we didn't even get to play the birthday games I had in mind. But we had so much fun laughing, dancing, and DEFINITELY eating away. 

TWELVE

"When endurance becomes enough to overcome there is no better feeling than that of standing,waking, dreaming and hoping together at the end of the day with the one you said, "I do!" to. Sometimes it seems it may never work out or it may seem too hard but there is a beauty in triumphing over trials together." 

est. Jan. 15, 2000

My best friend Ma'afu--who wrote this on my Facebook page the day of my anniversary--has seen me through the entire 12 years of ENDURANCE; the good, the bad and the ugly. For him to say such a thing, "at the end of the day" is not just for flattery's sake. My marriage really has seen better days lately, which has been so beneficial not just for me and Bo, but especially our kids. So this weekend, instead of retreating to SLC alone (where said best friend works @ Homewood Suites), we went with kids in tow. 

Our first night at the hotel was spent watching tv, facebooking, making pizza and saimini and just enjoying our relax time. I didn't want to get up the next morning, and the free breakfast wasn't enough to keep me out of my comfortable bed for very long. Lole and her Dad were gone the whole morning, and when they got back, surprised me with some balloons and flowers. It is the 2nd year that Lole has helped her Dad pick out something for me, and she always gets so excited! That morning, she must have hugged and wished us Happy Anniversary 10 times, meanwhile, Laila kept wishing us Happy Birthday, lol!

Luckily for us, our sitters happened to be in SLC too, so they stayed with the kids while Bo and I spent the WHOLE day together. It was so good to be away from Utah county, feeling "touristy" in this metropolitan Sabbath-observing town, with little traffic...just my style! We found Gateway Mall a few blocks up and cruised around for lunch. We came across an Asian (fusion) place called Thai Foon, (totally misleading name) where we ate (junk) sushi, (yummy) miso soup, some (alright) duck and (bomb) Seafood curry. We did a little shopping, driving around town and even visited Temple Sq. 

As soon as we got back to the hotel to get ready for the night, we find our oldest laying in bed, crying. She had a migraine and was throwing up everywhere. Some ibuprofen and rest did the trick, but this ended her night quickly. Hours later, Bo and I set on the town only to be disappointed that nothing was really going on. Some restaurants were closed or closing early, and there wasn't much that the average out-of-towner could do. We settled on a random Sports Bar & grill, where Bo got acquainted with some hillarious truckers from Missouri. Picture Dale and Boomhauer from  "King of the Hill"...it was classic, so I had to get a pic. lol.    

I convinced hubby to take us to WVC where some friends were visiting from Hawaii. That was fun, being in the company of hometown peoples, kanikapila'ing for the gods. It made me homesick to hear Vika, uke in hand, serenading us like she would in Laie, those lonely nights I would frequent kava circles. Isaac, her classmate, also dedicated "Mrs Jones" to us for our annivesary, lol. The next day, we cleaned up, checked out and we were on the road again to our little valley. The snow was so pretty on our drive home. 

All in all it was a good weekend and I have the scar to remind me of the time well spent. (see above) Bo and I both know that we are farrrrr from perfect. We reflect daily on our victories as well as our defeats. We know we have tons more to work on, and now that we are beginning to taste the sweet again, we are more focused on how to keep it that way. Having my kids see the importance of celebrating our marriage...that is what I appreciated the most. Happy TWELVE, Love!

Moving On

     2011 was very WOW. This is the only word to adequately describe it for me. New Years was the WORST EVER, started it off fighting with my husband, after also fighting all Christmas morning. I don't have the energy to talk about, let alone think about the events that surrounded that time, but let's just say I almost moved on my damn self early that year. In 2011, Laila turned 2, Lole turned 6, and shortly after that, Bo quit his job after being asked to take a demotion. That event was probably the hardest to deal with because I was partly at fault, ok, mostly at fault. I have always wanted Bo to quit his job because it was the nunmber one stressor in our marriage. But when he finally did (with a lot of my help), I had instant regrets. Not having a weekly paycheck like we were used to was hard. Then in June, my family (Poloais) had our very first family reunion with just our siblings and parents, grandchildren, etc. It was held in Orem, UT and was THE highlight of my year. At some point I will go back and write about it because it was truly unforgettable!
     So, this brings us to the very biggest change my family has gone through in 2011, and that was making the decision to STAY here in Utah after my reunion. It's been 7 mos, going on 8, since we left our island paradise. Hawaii (and esp Laie/Hauula/Kahuku) is THE PLACE, no doubt about that. I miss it so much. But being here has had its advantages, and mostly it starts and ends with family. It has been great spending the holidays and other special events with my parents--whom I have lived away from for about 14 years--as well as my oldest sister and her kids. Bo's younger sisters live here (my babysitters, lol), my best friend Maafu, as well as heaps of Bo's friends and family. The biggest plus so far, has been being VIRTUALLY DRAMA FREE since we have moved. Even I am at a loss to describe the complete contrast in our lives. My sister Fia  compared recent developments (ie, me working, and my husband staying home with the kids) to night and day, and if you knew the type of things we have gone through, you'd agree. As much as I hate being away from HOME, my kids' other grandparents in Laie, and my sister and her kids (holding down the fort in Kahuku), I cannot fathom going back to the state of misery I was in the last 6 years! I never want to know it again. I wasted a lot of tears and lost a lot of faith. However, I also felt like I gained some power back during the early part of 2011, and I continue to feel more confident in my fate today. We had a great summer here in Utah, and so far it has only snowed a few days this Winter. I turned 33, my husband turned 34, and we joined a community that is filled with lots (and LOTS) of people from my hometown area. Although my little family is still struggling to find our momentum, 2012 will bring more changes for the better whether we last out here in the Beehive state or not. Even with some of the uncertaincies, I am happy to be in a place (literally, "Happy Valley" and figuratively) to start anew. 2011, we're MOVING ON!

Puter=Pooter

 Last month, my husband and kids surprised me with  my very own  HP Dv7 BeatsAudio laptop. They couldn't wait for the 25th, so they gave it to me a week or so early, in the cutest pink PUMA bag. (Bless their souls!) But anyone who knows me KNOWS that I refuse to spend more than a few hundred dollars on myself for ANYTHING, even if its something I need. Bo has been promising me a laptop since before my bday (July), but wasn't able to get me it. Instead, he got me a $300 Ipod touch and I REFUSED IT....told him to take it back, because, again, SO EXPENSIVE. I LOOOOVE having a computer again, but some things I am just not willing to pay the price for. I'm thinking about taking this bugga back because not only was it too much $ (I would've bought THE CHEAPEST one) it has also been giving me too many problems. First the webcam crashed/died and I had to take the computer back and switch it, only they gave me the wrong one and I had to go back a 2nd time for the right one. Just yesterday, the fingerprint scanner (a feature for password protection) also stopped working and so I'm seriously contemplating it. Aside from the very cool built in speakers (bass and all),  I can survive without this. (That's what my droid is for).  I could think of a lot of things I'd rather do with this money. Bills, (of course), my 12th wedding Anniversary is on Sunday, my baby's bday is in 2 weeks, RUGBY SEVENS is next month, including Ali Campbell (whom I saw in concert in Hawaii)  that same weekend. The possibilities are endless. Heck, I could even take this back and invest in an Ipod touch again? 

Tomorrow is a Gift

"Every man must do two things alone; he must do his own believing and his own dying."- Martin Luther
-------------------------------------------------------
As a teen, I used to believe that I wouldn't live long. I don't know why, but I always felt like my life was not mine and that the length of my earthly stay was pre-determined to be short. Yet here I am. I STILL have moments when I don't even believe the things I go through are real and I feel strangely disconnected. Weird I know, but when I had my 1st born, I had a similar feeling that as much as I facilitated her birth into this world, I knew Lole was not completely mine. The underlying truth being that she was created--just as I was--by a loving Heavenly Father for His purposes; ranked highest among those, to gain Eternal Life and to live with Him again.

But with the gift of life also comes death. Last week one of my husband's young relatives who died in a car crash, was laid to rest. He was supposed to report to the MTC in 3 mos. Around New Years, a good friend of mine in Fiji lost her only son. And yesterday, my first cousin hung himself.

I've been thinking a lot about Death lately...how it comes quickly/surprisingly to some, and not soon enough to the weak/suffering...how it doesn't discriminate against age, race, color or status...and especially how whether you meet it calmly (sometimes willingly as in my cousin's case) or like a thief in the night, it is I N E V I T A B L E.

We are taught that suicide is wrong. But I do not judge such actions because I have been low enough to understand. While the act is selfish, the aim is to relieve pain...pain so unbearable that death is the only escape/relief/remedy...(seemingly) the only choice. Being able to say that I actually know someone (3  in the past year and a half) who has taken their life makes me really sad, but GOD has given us agency over every aspect of our lives, down to our last breath.

So what then, becomes of the dearly departed who felt they only had only one choice left? I don't think anyone can truly say, despite knowing that LDS doctrine condemns it. I still believe God has mercy on even our most grievous sins (save the unpardonable), so who am I to limit His forgiveness?  The beauty of His plan through the Gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is that we know there is life after death, and that families can be reunited in the afterlife through saving ordinances done in our temples. When someone dies, we focus on the way they lived, and we cherish the memories and life lessons we learned from them. Death will come whether or not we are ready, so the goal is to be ready all the time...to live like everyday was your last.



May you rest in peace, Sikivi, and may His mercy be upon you, and all of us.
XOXO,
Tala

OH MY GOODNESS

Yes Spawnbreezie, OH MY GOODNESS is right...I'M BACKKKK!!! There is so much to catch up on, but for now all that is important is I finally am hooked up again, Blogger world!

Day 6: My Day

Sunday: I HATE to leave my responsibilities at church to someone else (esp. on short notice) but when my husband asked if the kids and I would accompany him to town to meet with our car dealer, I couldn't resist. I knew that it was an opportunity to spend much needed time with him because of work and other marriage "strains." The day almost didn't happen because as soon as I had handed off my simple lesson plan, I couldnt find my purse. I was frantic and thinking, "That's what I get for ditching primary!" After 20 mins, I found it, and we were off. Two mins into the drive, a cop pulls Bo over for illegally over-taking a car that had cut us off. I repeated (in my mind) my earlier sentiment, but tried to remain calm. Luckily, Officer AhSue admitted to not seeing the cut-off, and let us go, expired tags and all. Ironically, that's where we were going in the first place...to the dealer to get our registration taken care of.

It turned out to be quite a day, starting with pork\chicken skewers and fresh corn from a roadside fruit stand, getting our tags current after almost a year, late lunch at Burger King, cruising up the Pali and around Makapu'u to Halona Blowhole (where Bo made walls 3 yrs ago), to Ross for a dress, and then McDs for ice cream sundaes and fried apple pies. It was quite an adventure and I will never forget:

-how my kids love getting dressed to go somewhere

-how my husband can talk his way out of a lot of things

-how good fresh, hot,sweet corn tastes from Kahuku and how Laila can eat 3 in one sitting

-how Bo makes me try and like new foods all the time (today, salmon poke)

-how Lole loooves Pizza Hut cinnamon sticks

-how after 20+ yrs in Hawaii, I finally went to the Nuuanu Pali Lookout, a first for my whole family

-how Lole really had take a crap and so Bo sat her on the edge of the trash can and asked the "curious" tourists if they had a staring problem

-how cold and windy it was, with the clouds moving about us

-how Laila ran all over the place, slipper-less, once we got to the blowhole

-how Lole likes to sing in the wind

-how fun it is to see new things and do things as a family, camera in hand

 

 

 

Looooong day, but totally worth it. FAMILY...it was about time!

Day 5: Definition of Love

I once heard somewhere that people only do things for 2 reasons: out of love, or out of hate. In reality, that may not be so cut and dry, but it makes a whole lot of sense. Love is powerful! It is the driving force behind our everyday actions, our fuel for life. It motivates...it uplifts...it nurtures...it bonds...and it heals. It is action and reaction. It is everything that rage and envy and revenge and spite are NOT. For me, LOVE, and its every possible definition, changes right alonside my own experiences and desires. Where I once thought it meant never having to say you're sorry, I now believe that impossiblity warrants the feeling that it's more a matter of when and how. When and how you say sorry, is where the love factor comes in. Movies sometimes depict love as fine dining and rose petals on the bedroom floor, whereas my heart flutters when I hear my husband's work truck come home, and covered in cement, he proceeds to share his half empty slurpee with me. Lol. While the gesture in itself is cute, the knowledge that he has been up since 3:30 am, has driven nearly 100 miles today to bust his butt to provide a living for his family, and still has strength to play\read to the kids...now that right there is LOVE. So yah, I guess mine is the layman's version, but I think you get the picture. I try to remember this (paraphrased) quote if my days ever leave me in doubt. "Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they've got." My definition could change, months, years, even decades from now. But today, it is this: LOVE IS WHAT YOU MAKE AND BELIEVE IT TO BE.

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Day 4: What I Ate Today

I really am the worst eater...today has been no different. Here it goes:

9 am: Bkfst: French Bread w butter and jelly

                    2 Round Samoan Pancakes

230 pm-ish: Late Lunch: Frosted Flakes and "Ocean Salad" from my sister's house. The salad is just noodles, with taegu, seaweed, nori, and seasame oil. Totally tastes like it sounds. Good stuff!

7pm Dinner: 2 fresh corns (hubby bought a bag from the fruit stand on his way home because it's Laila's favorite), 2 crunchy tacos and a chicken burrito from Taco Bell.

10 pm-ish dessert: 1\2 pint of Ben & Jerry's Mud Pie (free w\ maika'i reward from Foodland)

(This I just added after my original post)

12:30 midnight: "Better-than-Sex cake" from Tina's dinner outing

Day 3: My Parents

 

My parents probably wouldn't appreciate detailed information about them on my public blog, so I will keep it short. I love them and they love me...the same as they love all my sisters and our families too. What more is there to want? (Okay that was the lazy version...hopefully I can get back to this one later :))

Day 1: Introduce Yourself

You can call me Darla. Okay, not really, but in case you're wondering, the "E-alias" came after a friend was teasing the way Tongan people call me TALA with a "D" instead of a "T"...like DAHLA (real ugly-like). Anyway, Darla is cuter so the blog name stuck.

"Matatala" is my real first name, which was requested by my paternal side. "Audrey" is the middle name my mother chose, after her uncle's palangi wife. "Poloai" is Dad's mom's last name which grandpa had to take because grandma's matai status trumped his. Finally, Malupo (the add-on for the last 10 yrs) is the name that connects my kids to Ha'apai, Tonga. All my life I thought my Samoan blood was pretty thick (undiluted, lol) but I recently discovered my mother's Tongan ancestry probably makes "Dahla" more suitable for me after all!

I was born in Happy Valley (Utah County) to wonderful, God-fearing parents, struggling to make a future for myself and their 3 other girls before me. Since I was the last planned child, I was SUPPOSED to be a boy. That's why I don't take offense to the knowledge that Dad cussed when Doc said "It's a Girl!"

18 years later, I ended up back in Happy Valley, after early childhood years in American Samoa, and some more memorable years in my beloved Laie. The ironic thing is that meeting my husband in the said Valley of Happiness, eventually brought me back to Laie, where we were wed in 2000. I cannot see that coincidence as anything less than a blessing, given my great love for the place I call home.

My two darling girls validate my life and have sweetened it since day one. I didn't cuss when either of them were born, but bringing them into the world wasn't easy. Both were conceived with the help of fertility pills and a whole lot of praying. Their very lives confirm my faith in the existence of a loving God.

My likes and dislikes vary year to year, but my love for watching and playing sports (though you can't tell by looking at my bod), will never change. I love to sweat, esp if it's gonna lead me to those jeans I still have from 2003, stashed in the corner for my big "Reveal" someday. Bahaha. I said SOMEDAY! As a kid, I loved reading, but now I struggle as an adult to even completely read prescription medication instructions, let alone a novel. That being said, my attention span as of late has been wrapped around some serious DVD watching and Facebook camping. If the written word is addicting then the written word *refreshed* hourly, or minute by minute, and at the speed of your fingertips is complete obsession. Yes, I admit, it's hard to walk away from Facebook, but not when you've got a Brad Pitt movie drawing you in closer to those piercing eyes and perfect bone structure. When I have time for music, it's usually Reggae\Island, HipHop\R&B or Country. I like 'em exactly in that order, though I probably should mention Church music since I'm a Primary chorister. Food is my weakness and not because I eat my feelings or anything...I think my problem is hormonal and genetic and environmental all rolled into one. Lucky for me, I live in Hawaii where food is good and so everyone has the SAME problem. Lol.

I didn't expect I'd write all-a-dis but it about sums me up. Ps: I like wearing tshirts and jeans, the color black, and anything teriyaki.

BLOG CHALLENGE (from NEENA LOVE)

I love Blogging and I have missed it so much. I am in the same predicament as my last post--without internet--but I found this on one of my favorite blogs I just visited today. http://neenalove.blogspot.com/
I don't know yet how I'm going to keep up with the challenge, but I accept and will figure it out. In the meantime, hope you all are enjoying the cooler temperatures this time of year. 

Warm Hugs.



For faithful bloggers... here's a challenge that will help you in topic selection.

I have probably talked about all the topics on here before but I'm sure there's more to be told, more to be purged from the recesses of my mind! I am going to start this on September 1st, 2010. I wonder -- are any of you up for the challenge?

Day 01 – Introduce yourself

Day 02 – Your first love

Day 03 – Your parents

Day 04 – What you ate today

Day 05 – Your definition of love

Day 06 – Your day

Day 07 – Your best friend

Day 08 – A moment

Day 09 – Your beliefs

Day 10 – What you wore today

Day 11 – Your siblings

Day 12 – What’s in your bag

Day 13 – This week

Day 14 – What you wore today

Day 15 – Your dreams

Day 16 – Your first kiss

Day 17 – Your favorite memory

Day 18 – Your favorite birthday

Day 19 – Something you regret

Day 20 – This month

Day 21 – Another moment

Day 22 – Something that upsets you

Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better

Day 24 – Something that makes you cry

Day 25 – A first

Day 26 – Your fears

Day 27 – Your favorite place

Day 28 – Something that you miss

Day 29 – Your aspirations

Day 30 – One last moment

Phone Blogging

I recently switched phone carriers, and am now a Sprint customer and happy droid owner. Times like this when my internet is off I am grateful I still have the web at my fingertips...literally. Multitasking never was so easy. I'm still a little APP-shy but that's changing too...I just figured out how to read books on here and you KNOW I'm just all over the FB mobile feature!

Anyway, this Summer has been crazy busy and the fun will all end in (most likely) a big huge mess of a blog to wrap it all up. I'm soaking in as much as I can because its probably the most content summer I've had in a looooong time. Hope you all are enjoying yours as much as I have mine!

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d.e.d.

i know...AGAIN, it's been a while...but not for long. i am anxious to get back on the ball and share my world, as uninteresting as it is. i can't remember where exactly the phrase "d.e.d." came from, but it's an inside joke turned popular phrase (yup, that's how we do in laie)...which means dead. my blog is not dead tho, i am just lazy. "l-a-z-e" bahhah...another insider. anyway, it's late, almost midnight and i'm gonna calling it a night (after some facebook games of course)... see you soon!

the worst few minutes of my life

GOD always has a way of reminding me who's in control, and why i cannot give up the good fight. last night i was faced with the fear of losing my child when Laila had a seizure in the middle of her sleep.

mid afternoon, laila began to be feverish, and automatically i knew it was because she has 6 new teeth coming in. bo's parents urged us to take her to the hospital, but we assumed it was just a normal fever and that we could fight it with tylenol/motrin easily. she was sleepy most of the rest of the day and wanted nothing else but to nurse. i should've been tipped off when i saw her shaking a bit when she was wanting to go to sleep. she had not eaten since lunch and it was nearing 9pm when i saw it. but again, i didn't give it much thought because of her teething and i thought that she had felt better after the medicine and playing with me and her sisiter for a good hour. she fell asleep on her stomach and almost 45 mins later we heard her cry a bit...and then my husband screamed when he saw that she had stiffened up and he recognized that "look" she had in her face (his little sister constantly had seizures as a kid). by the time i turned around she was shaking in that stiff position, with her teeth clenched. as we tried to pry her mouth open and get our fingers in there to keep her tongue down and mouth open for air, her eyes were still open but not "there"...her body was still stiff as i held her tightly and pushed my fingers through her mouth. she chomped down so hard, but i didn't care if she bit my finger off, as long as i could keep the airway open and stop her from swallowing her tongue (i was in panic mode and had NO IDEA what to do. luckily bo had seen this so many times before as a kid, so i listened to him instruct me on how to handle her.) i screamed a lot. i yelled for his dad, i think it was because i wanted someone near who could give her a blessing. moments later, her teeth were still clamping on my fingers, but her face started to turn blue, and her eyes rolled back...even her body stopped shaking...it was the worst feeling in the world. i just kept yelling at her to get up and listen to mommy's voice. when i heard her moaning about 15 seconds later, i knew that she was still alive. her chomp loosened up but she wouldn't wake up...i feared the worst as i tried to look for signs as we drove to the hospital. and then the thought of going to the junkest hospital in the world just made me cringe even more, but since i wanted her to get attention ASAP, we had no choice.

what the doctors called a "fever seizure" is common they say, because sometimes it's not how hot a child gets, but how quickly their temp can jump, even just a few degrees.she was 100.4 when we got there but she was able to cry and opened her eyes there. after tests, they decided that she MAY or MAY NOT have a little pneumonia (yah, i don't get what "may or may not" means either)...she must've been closer to "may not" because they just sent us home with some antiboitics and more tylenol because her vitals were good and they couldn't find any reason to keep her. by the time we came home she was already feeling cooler. dad stopped at the store to get popsicles and juice and soup, and let me tell you i have never been so happy to see her eat...ever. she even talked to us, laughed and danced, and walked around until she fell asleep in her grandma's arms.

while waiting for laila's test results at the ER, my daughter lole and i had a moment. laila was sleeping in my arms and all the emotion caught up to me, especially the guilt every mother feels when anything happens to their child. i looked over and saw that it was the same for lole, the emotion had caught up to her too and she was holding back the tears until i called her name. we cried together. she was so sad.  i told her i would say a prayer for her sister so that she would feel better and so that those around her could feel comfort that she would be ok. it was during this time that i realized all the drama from the day before--fighting with my husband because of his alcohol problem and not coming home from work until 8am the next day--is all so INSIGNIFICANT when compared to the bigger picture: the well-being and safety of my kids, my overall happiness as their mother, and our future together as a family.

as always, my mountains seem so small when compared to the love that can MOVE those mountains, the love of a heavenly father who continually shows me how to realign my priorities/feelings and to cherish my children like the true gifts that they are. while experiencing the worst few minutes of my life, heavenly father brought me to humility...to remembrance of who's in control...that my trials are teaching me to lay the burden where it belongs so i can focus on my children, my family, and the joy that can be attained.

sweet sweat

     i haven't made any time to exercise in so long that i had almost forgotten how much i love to sweat...at least when it comes to sports, and physical exercise.  as a new fan of BIGGEST LOSER, i'm always so moved to change/improve my physical health...and then i wake up the next morning and forget about how inspired i was, until the next show. last night i was so stressed/irritated that i just needed to get out and sweat...so i ran.(well, mostly walk for now). it brought me back to a time when i was a teen and i heard my parents arguing. back then we lived on moana st--the haole side, lol--so i ran to byuh and around the big circle twice without stopping. that had never happened before even though i played high school sports. (always HATED running!) it was so therapeutic and it was the first time i ever realized the importance of physical exercise on the emotional state of mind.
     last night during my hour of running/walking, i spoke to my heavenly father. in my mind and out loud, i went over my most important troubles, things that i could never bring myself to speak to another human ear. and then it hit me how much i had needed this outlet. when i walked, i talked/thought things over. and when i ran, i forgot about them to focus on my breathing...my body...my will. it is amazing how our physical and mental capacities have the power to influence each other. i hope i have found a new friend in running (exercise in general), because sweat is so sweet to me. it assures me that mind and body are working, not just for my heath, but also to better my soul.

MAY DAY

Lole had her very first May Day this year on the 6th. Her preschool performs with Kahuku Elementary, so unlike Laie who had theirs @ PCC (my preferred venue), Kahuku had theirs at BYUH Canon Activities Center (nice only for the AC). The week leading up to May Day was pretty exciting, I mean if you live in Hawaii, namely the North Shore, you know that May Day is like no other. Rather than stick to the usual Polynesian cultures, our Kahuku/Laie schools typically choose a wide range of countries/themes to represent. For instance, my nephew's 3rd grade class did South Africa, 4th graders did Bollywood, and the 5th graders did a 80s Rock-n-Roll themed production, all of which were awesome!

Lole's classmates did AMERICA, and had little boys come in on 3 wheeled bikes like a biker gang. Then they walked on to the stage in a flag formation and did 3 different numbers.The boys did a short Born in the USA, then the girls followed by the girls' short Chippette version of Single Ladies, and then they all came together at the end with Miley Cyrus' Party in the USA. It was way cute and I was so bummed that my husband had to miss it for work, but the video coverage was enough to serve as a reminder that you just HAVE TO BE THERE next time.

 

My sister (pictured with her family) was in it too because she is a PTT (part time teacher) there, and helped the Kindergarten class with SAMOA, and then she participated in the faculty/staff Ho Down Throw Down number. I was so proud of Lole and her cousins, and even my sister for doing such a great job! It was definitely a "first" that I will never forget!

Tagiilima Togiai

while watching tv this afternoon, my sis-in-law heard the faint sound of crying coming from somewhere downstairs. at first i thought i was hearing things, and then i just started running when i realized it was not crying, but wailing. the sounds got louder towards the side of the house, and sure enough, there under the ulu tree sat my aunty L (bo's mom's sister) who was on the phone. i was scared. i thought something had happened to her or her husband (who wasn't there), because what else could make a woman cry so painfully? even though I had NO idea what her reasons were just yet, my aunt's "oiaue's" were enough to break my heart into a million pieces. she could barely get out a sentence, when asked what was wrong, and as i hugged her close, she screamed something in tongan, and then it became clear when she uttered the word "mate" (die/dead)...and then her granddaughter's name, "Tagi."

this is the story and the video coverage of what happened to our dear niece, our aunty's granddaughter. 

aunty L and her husband T bloomfield have been living with us since '08 because they love it here, but their real home is in west valley, utah, where their granddaughter died today. my heart grieves for all the family members, even tagi's great-grandmother (aunty L's mom), who was left to care for the children when this tragedy occurred. i cried a lot for aunty L, for the sorrow in her face, and the pain in her voice...how every so often she would just break down in rounds of "oiaue".  i cried thinking about the pain all adult parties have, because we are a people of conscience, and when things like this happen to children, there is always a burden of guilt...of "what if?" but mostly, i cried for tagi. i know she is in a better place now, but how alone and scared tagi must have been...oh, it is unbearable to think about what she suffered in her last moments.

lole played with tagi 2 summers ago when they visited from utah. they were around the same age. tagi was quiet, but unafraid. she rarely cried. she is survived by her tongan mother, elesi (elsie) bloomfield and her samoan father, junior togiai and her 4 other siblings. she is one of (just about) 40 of aunty L's grandchildren. she will be sorely missed, and my prayer is that all of tagi's family may be comforted by the Savior's healing power and the love of our Heavenly Father.

rest in peace baby girl.  xxx

view her obituary here.

COUNTRY MERCANTILE TRUFFLE GIVEAWAY

ok, i've been away for a while...and it feels good to be back. so, first thing to catch up on is: CHOCOLATE! found this on shanae's blog, and i totally wanna win!!! check it out here.

WISH ME LUCK!